Jessica Simpson is still the hottest . Anyway, here she is with her lucky bastard attending the Heart concert. Enjoy.
*Update: There’s a possible Jessica Simpson nipple slip in this picture. Check it out and you decide.
There is probably going to be a lot of chatter today about Jessica Simpson being fat. I'm here to say that she is 100 percent not a heifer -- judge for yourself here. Yes, she's bigger, but considering the perfect storm of eating occasions the singer recently weathered, it's surprising she hasn't gained more weight.
First, there are the holidays, which bring even people with the strongest constitutions to their knees. Who amongst us can refuse a second helping of stuffing or cake while ringing in Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years? Then there is the fact that Ashlee Simpson gave birth to her first child on Nov. 20. That inevitably included many public celebrations and many private cryfests for Jessica over the fact that her younger sister delivered the family's first grandchild. Older sibs like to pretend it doesn't bother us when that happens, but the chocolate syrup lining the creases of our mouths tell a much different story.
She's just being a supportive girlfriend here, people. Nights out at Applebee's, crying over a Chocolate Chip Cookie Sundae is the perfect way to ignore the fact that he's spending God's Day bellied up to a bar, and not on the field.
Plus, now with every breath and movement (both bowel and emotional) of hers not plastered on the cover of every celeb weekly (do you think she bought Brangelina a muffin basket?), she doesn't have that pressure to stay unhealthily emaciated constantly hanging over her head. The girl is probably just eating like a normal person for the first time ever. She's healthy. Nothing wrong with that. The problem is that Jessica is still dressing like she's a toothpick.
Look, we all have skinny jeans in our closet, shirts that used to fit perfectly and think we can get away with wearing them. Just cinch a belt around our waist and we'll be good to go, right? Yeah, not so much.
Jessica just needs to do a closet revamp, as everyone should once a year. Ditch the clothes that no longer work for your body type and move on. Oh, but that leopard belt -- that was never a good look. Ditto for the high-waisted jeans. They have never been your friend. Nor has anyone who ever told you either was flattering.
With all the talk about Jessica Simpson's fluctuating weight (although I'm more concerned with her terrible fashion choices) one, no make that two, big things have been totally overlooked.
Jessica's boobs have never looked better! Look out Salma Hayek -- Jess is coming to breastfeed your baby.
Jessica Simpson may be a hulking bright orange man-jawed talent vacuum - but at least she's a hulking bright orange man-jawed talent vacuum who makes the news when she splits up with people, which is more than any of us can say for you.It's been rumoured that Jessica Simpson - former professional idiot and performer of films and songs you couldn't even consider liking - has apparently split up with her boyfriend, the equally vapid blues-lite musician John Mayer. This earth-shattering split hasn't been confirmed by either Jessica Simpson or John Mayer yet, but enough sources have reported it for us to assume that it's probably true. What's the point of reporting a speculative rumour about Jessica Simpson's private life, you ask? Well, it's a quiet news day and it's either this or we write about Jessica Simpson's crappy new film. Which would you prefer?
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