Dear Diary
It’s been a little quiet on my publicity front recently — I mean, everyone, like, still totally thinks I’m HOT and wants to be me, but I kinda feel that I’m missing out on some real, authentic attention from the world. Then I realized it was all about my figure! Jessica Simpson got everyone to pay attention to her once she started eating all that food again and then everyone LOVED Beyonce when she made her hips look like she’d forgotten to take the coat hanger out of her dress and it had slipped down and got stuck around her hips and like totally made her look a bit weird but sexy still. Yeah, like that. So Doug and me thought of a totally HOT idea where I’d buy a skirt that was too small for me and kind of ruche it up around my hips and then maybe stuff some socks around it too to make me look like I had a woman’s figure instead of the pipe cleaner I really am. And it looks super HOTTTT. Especially teamed with that leather vest. Uh-huh. And my new hairstyle. I kind of look like a cuter cross between Lady Gaga and Suri Cruise, don’t I? DON’T I? If you weren’t a diary, you’d be totally agreeing with me right now.
Love, Paris.
[Photo: Splash News Online]
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